"It occurred to me today how pitifully short-term all our plans are. So much of what we do - CCA, extra classes, tuition (not for me, but for a lot of people around :X), projects, work in one form or another - are geared at getting us into That University with That Scholarship so that we can end up with a job at That Company with That Pay. I say this is short-term because honestly, which of us is going to stay with the same company for our whole life? And face it, scholarships only get you so far in work (well I'm pretty much using logical guesswork for this, given that I cannot fathom the mysterious workings of agencies cast in shadow like the PSC). So what remains? University. Which is 2 (or 4, for guys) years down the road. And because most of us aren't going into academia, That University will be a bygone in 4-6 years. And - that's it. All the years of late nights, long days, attempts to overachieve - they end, and come to naught.
Of course you could also argue that the overachiever years could have contributed to personal growth in areas other than in the CV, but - is the growth worth the sacrifice of a childhood, a teenagehood, days of immaturity and bumming around?
I don't
know! "
-From Kar Min's blog.
Sometimes I feel like I want to grow up faster. It sort of depresses me that my goals for the future (or at least, the most fleshed-out and structured ones) end at getting a scholarship and going to some university overseas. It just doesn't sit well with me that my view is so narrow right now, though I can't exactly blame myself because I'm currently a student and my world therefore revolves mostly around school matters and I don't have to worry/think about much else.
For the longest time I was convinced that I was going to go into academia after getting my degree and all that (wow I speak as if it's a GIVEN that I will get my degree ><) but now I'm not so sure anymore. I figured that I would go into academia because I'm not very much of a people-person and so would prefer spending hours locked up somewhere staring at specimens, undisturbed and removed from the rest of the world. And also because I can be pretty adept at research/close analysis. But now when I think of it, being an academic just doesn't seem so fulfilling anymore in the larger scheme of things. The more I read academic papers about obscure theories like whether the earth is expanding or not among other esoteric topics, the more I wonder how much of it is relevant to the world at large. Sure they are relevant in some way but how much of it is really important in helping us deal with the world itself, deal with life?
My dad once told me that when one becomes a university professor one of the ways to stay in the job is to publish journals. And I thought about all the journals stockpiled in libraries full of information, screaming to be read, and once in a while some random student comes and picks one off the shelf, reads the abstract, and puts it back. And I don't want to be doing things like that, screaming and arguing on paper about topics that don't always matter so much. I'd rather go out there and do something than hole up in my little research pot blaring away to a fair-weather audience.
Granted, just because one is an academic doesn't make him/her removed from the world. Really whether you are detached or not depends on what sort of person you are, but the nature of being an academic somewhat requires isolation to an extent which I don't think will ever sit well with me from now on. Funny how it took me so long to see that relationships and people in general play significant roles in my life. I used to think that I would do very well on my own, and though I'm still very much independent in nature I don't think I'd do that well without the company of humans, at the very least.
I'm glad I've opened my eyes, even if it's only just a crack, to see.
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